Friday, July 23, 2010

Finding Comfort in the Uncomfortable

The past 2 days at work have found me laughing my ass off, something that usually ends in wet pants but now finds me with wet tear ducts. Our team is beginning to separate, Shannon will be leaving in about a week and a half, Avana at the end of August, Dave& Alisha in September.

Another Front Range thunder storm. I'm always thinking, go head and rain already! Sky! And yesterday it actually did. Not just rain either. Lightening and thunder to boot. I guess they don't call this place Sunrise Ranch for nut'en. Check out these pics.

I feel that each passing day tops the previous, I don’t know how it actually happens, but it does. I will try to give justice to these special situations but really, this story will probably end the same way, you had to be there.

Personally, I really don’t like when people use that as a cop-out. I would call that more of a story teller error. No, I wouldn’t have to be there if YOU could just tell the story right. Idiot. But in this case, I could fill books with laughs and conversations that we have on the farm and still not shed light on the experience well enough to encompass what I want to get across. But let me try:

It's the awkward situations like Sarah putting a bandage wrap on my finger that oddly resembles a condom. I have a lot of respect for Sarah and look up to her as a mentor. I didn’t think this was an appropriate time to laugh, although the absurdity of it was through the roof. I watched her, deadpan, as she pulled out what looked like a little tiny condom. I held my pinky finger out and continued to watch like a dear in the headlights as she pinched the tip and rolled that little latex bandage right down to the base. I was trying to act like the mature adult that clearly was NOT festering on the inside of me. When I looked up, I saw the entire farm team with their jaws dropped to the floor. It was like the eye of the storm. Complete stillness. Then, the bust of laughter. My disbelief, that didn’t just happen. False, Sarah did in fact just put a condom on my pinky. And it was hysterical.

It’s the stories that begin with: If it weren’t for that drug bust I wouldn’t be here right now. Seriously? Asked Avana. I couldn’t believe this story either. Guns in his face and doors getting kicked in. I think the story could have been that much better if Dave stretched it JUST a little and added that HE was the drug lord himself and sold his first born child to supplement his addiction. Maybe also that the only reason he was really here at Sunrise was so he could learn how to start a multi-million dollar, thousands of acres on Forest Service land marijuana operation. But nope. Not really the case, Future Farmer Dave is just learning more about the modest, sustainable land stewardship that he believes so much in.

It’s the conversations that start like: Since we’re being open and all, I just want to say… Dave, you’re much cooler now. Or, do you wanna wait behind 90 Healing Sounders for lunch?! I don’t. Get up. Lets GO! I’m serious!

Avana, the resident whip cracker is probably the hardest worker on the team. She can wear her emotions on her sleeve and isn’t afraid to tell you when she’s reached her tipping point. I’m always praising her for her work ethic but I don’t know if she always receives my compliments well. But I mean it from the bottom of my heart. I would work under this psycho whip cracker any day. As long as she cracks the whip in the bed room too. Did I just say that? She may be in denial that the scale in the kitchen is actually spot on, but this lady has the body of a goddess, the mind of a warrior and the heart of a best friend. Someone’s got to fill in the managerial role since OUR managers seem to always be checking out. And that someone is Avana. She may not always finish her lunch but I still admire her. This gal has become my closest friend and the thought of not waking up to a cup of coffee with her every morning is not something I want to think about. So lets change the subject now.

Circa 1930 Sugar Beet Harvest

The openness of our group astounds me. I never really felt like one to push people's envelopes, but I find some of the greatest joy in it now. Asking Dave and Alisha questions like, when did you first say I love you? Assuming you DO say you love each other… oops. Did I just create and uncomfortable situation? Oh. Ok. Good. You DO say that. Well in that case:

Do you like the lights on or lights off?

I would want people to ask me the same thing. How would you know if you never asked? Not just if I like the lights on or off, but anything. Can I offer you some constructive criticism? Can I ask you to hold me accountable? Can I tell you something in confidence? I want people to cross lines. Break social norms. Find comfort in the uncomfortable. And it’s happening here. I love it.

You may find yourself thinking now, so why did you need a condom on your finger anyway? I honestly didn’t want to tell the farm team because I thought it was a little embarrassing and slightly unbelievable. But I was actually dancing in my room. Alone. After a latte and a nice nap I found my second wind. While listening to David Bowie’s Space Oddity, stretching and dancing, I jumped and smashed my pinky into the ceiling. Then proceeded to roll onto my bed in the fetal position, clutching my hand. What was I thinking?

Lift off. This is ground control to Major Tom.


At July 25, 2010 at 12:09 AM , Anonymous R said...


At July 25, 2010 at 3:38 PM , Blogger RedFreckles said...

Sounds like you fit in well! And you are a super good story teller!

At July 26, 2010 at 11:07 AM , Blogger Acey said...

Best one yet sister. I am super proud of your mad sick skills. I even cried a little while reading the part on true community. Openness, accountability, and breaking social norms is what causes me to recognize and value the beauty in being human. Permission to go ashore, Major Tom.

At July 26, 2010 at 12:29 PM , Blogger Avana said...

Even though the bit about me is a tad embarrassing, I still think this post is great. I am reading your blog regularly now and I really think the posts just keep getting better. But I think you should take a break and take me climbing!!


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