What Doesn't Kill You..

August fifth. That’s my birthday. And that makes me a Leo. Rawr!

There are certain Leo-esque qualities that I possess, mainly that I think I’m awesome and (although always trying to be less) headstrong. I think I get that headstrong quality from my Paps. I remember him once telling me, “Well, there’s the wrong way to do something and then there’s my way.” This quality really began to rear its ugly head on my NOLS Patagonia Semester. Along with other things, my course taught me that it really doesn’t matter if the cheese is sliced or cubed cause either way its going to be melted. But, I was still adamant to have it my way.



Showing a little tooth ;);)

Usually Leos take a leadership role. They are the first to jump in, get dirty, take their clothes off, whatever. Although I am an outstanding leader, who any intelligent person would willingly follow, I don’t always possess this bold, outspoken quality and desire to be the first to try something new. In NOLS it was the leader of the day. I was the last one to go. I was intimidated about the standard that was set and worried that I wasn’t going to be a good at it. Here at the farm, it was the weed whacker, a man’s job (insert sarcastic voice). I didn’t want to operate it, thinking it was going to be too physically demanding, I wasn’t going to be able to start it up, what if the thing ran out of that cord stuff? Or gas? I couldn’t do it.

But, on Saturday I decided I would finally give it a try. I pushed that intimidation aside, pushed the fear aside and decided to finally get’er done. Sandy said she left the weed whip (that’s what they call it in these parts) along the road by the Adventist’s property.

I won’t go into too much detail, although I know my Dad would love that, because unless you have been to the farm it won’t really make much sense to say this field or that, Michael’s house, yadda yadda yadda. So I’ll just over exaggerate a little in order to let you know how it really felt:

Alright, I walked for what seemed like days trying to find the weed whip that apparently Sandy hid along the road somewhere.



No weed whip here, just old worship equipment and facilities.



I literally had to have walked up and down this ten mile stretch of road thirty times before I gave up, completely defeated and headed to Micha and Sarah’s house. Right when I arrived, Micha stepped outside and I told him the bad news, “Sandy musta harnesses ten thousand American Robins and tied the weed whip to them, sending them to far away place that needs to monitor the thistle and noxious weeds a little more then we do, apparently.” Before I could keep going, Micha told me that he drove down and put the weed whip in the shed.

I said,“Oh. Ok. Well I kinda felt like logging a few extra hundred miles on foot today anyway, so, no big deal.” And was on my way.

Once I got the weed whip I headed out to tackle some Canadian thistle. And I did. But not before getting shocked by the electric fence. It’s not powerful enough to send you into a stupor but it’s enough to make you wish you didn’t get shocked. I was now feeling a little more defeated.

I got the weed whip going and walked down along the fence for a good 7 hours when the fuel ran out. I left the fuel at the other end, 7 hours away, but went back anyway and got it. Filled’er up and went back to whippen.

Another 7 hours later I was back at the other end of the field, and the cord ran out. Now the cord was back at Micha and Sarah so I walked all the way back and called it quits. I arrived back in the garden, probably an etinurity later, having wasted the larger portion of the afternoon walking back and forth. I felt so incredibly unproductive and inefficient I should have just stayed in bed all day. Sylvan asked how the weed whip went and I said I was glad I get paid next to nothing. I felt like I didn’t deserve even that petty amount.

A few tears came out. And that was that. For then at least.



But… a new day, a new start.



Today was my chance to reintroduce myself to what I though was Satan’s tool, the weed whip. And let me just say, this work ain’t just for men anymore!



I think that fear and intimidation are healthy feelings to have whether it’s in rock climbing, a job interview, first date, or using a weed whip. It’s a powerful tool when you can identify it and move through it. Those feelings are only healthy if you are able to control then and use them to your advantage.



I felt defeated at the end of Saturday, but today I feel empowered.



It was a learning lesson. I love experiencing fear in climbing. It’s one of the main reason why I climb. It’s flippen’ fun to be scared! When was the last time you were so scared and uncomfortable? I can think of mine and they bring smiles to my face.

Although at the end of Saturday I had tears in my eyes, today I collected those feeling and used them for empowerment. August fifth. Yeah, that’s my birthday. Sometimes I will deny being a Leo, but today I definitely was. Rawr!